Freedom. That’s what I felt the day I decided not to return to nursing school but instead to stay home with Evie.
And boy oh boy did we enjoy that summer and early fall together. We did crafts and went on trips and explored all that Baltimore has to offer. The Webers Apple Festival. Airplane sightings at the Thomas Dixon park. Birthday parties. Zoo outings. Family trips to the Aquarium. The Great Frederick Fair.
And then, well then I was blessed with a business that became instantly successful beyond my wildest dreams. October family sessions snowballed into November family craziness. And after I started newborns in December, the rest was history. I did 163 sessions this year. I worked 7 straight weekends this fall. I struggled to do it all well, not wanting my child to feel lost in the shuffle. Unimportant.
I let myself believe that I wasn’t a good mother. That I was a disappointment for not having the hang of running my own business while mothering. That somehow my child would be scarred by the fact that we missed Library Tuesday or that I didn’t have a craft theme for the week. That the store bought snack I bought for her school party was a tragedy.
Well…I was lying to myself. I am a damn good mother. And those crafts and day trips were never what made me a good mom anyway. What makes me a good mom is the unconditional love that I have for this child. That she wakes up each day knowing that I’m madly in love with her. That I believe in her endless potential. That I am proud of her.
If you can lay your head on your pillow at night and say “I did my best today” than that is enough. Some days my best is shit. Some days my best is amazing. But it’s always my best. And these little humans are quite forgiving. We could learn from them.
I took a moment and made this little collage of “selfies” from this year. The same pose was in my camera again and again. Evie hugging me as tight as she can, loving me like I am the best mom in the world. Because to her, I am perfect. And for me, that is simply enough.